You might not realize it, but chances are you communicate with your family in a very specific way. Spend time around a friend’s family, or even your partner’s family, and you might see that they do things differently.
Some of that has to do with different personalities and situations, of course. But, it also has to do with family communication styles. Families communicate using patterns that have been established over time. As a result, there are different communication styles that reflect everything from expectations within the family unit, to a sense of openness and honesty.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the most common family communication styles, so you can determine where your family falls, and what you might need to work on to foster healthier communication with family members.
Consensual Communication
This style focuses on high conversation and conformity. It fosters a specific structure within the family unit, which can be especially effective for families with young children.
Consensual communication is a style that allows parents or caregivers to make decisions for the family. But they do so while encouraging open communication and discussion with other family members. They listen to needs, wants, and concerns. They explain their reason for doing things, allowing them to maintain authority without seeming unfair or controlling.
Pluralistic Communication
If you grew up in a family where conformity wasn’t a priority, you likely had (and still have) a pluralistic communication style. This style focuses on high conversation. Everyone is encouraged to be as open and honest as possible with their feelings. Everyone participates in family discussions, and everyone is included in the decision-making process.
This kind of style can help to build confidence and increase vulnerability between family members. It can also help with other relationships as you get older, allowing you to value the ideas and opinions of friends and romantic partners.
Protective Communication
If you grew up in a household where discussions were very limited and your parents or caregivers held ultimate authority, your family probably has a protective communication style.
This isn’t necessarily a bad style. Obedience and conformity are expected, but it doesn’t always stem from a place of control. Rather, your parents might have wanted to protect you and keep you safe, so they had strict rules and expectations.
As an adult, though, this can make it difficult to open up to your family (or others). You might not feel like your opinion has value, and you spend more time worrying about your own expectations than opening up and showing vulnerability.
Laissez-faire Communication
This communication style has low conformity, but also low conversation. If your family doesn’t regularly open up about things or discuss any important issues, you have a laissez-faire communication style.
On the surface, that probably doesn’t seem like a big deal. Less conformity means less conflict, right? Yes, but it also means that you don’t have the comfortable connection with your family that allows you to open up. As you might expect, that can impact the way you communicate with others in your life, especially when it comes to relationships.
There isn’t one ideal communication style for families. People can develop either positive or negative communication habits and patterns over time, and it’s important to recognize which ones are healthy and which ones might be hindering your communication efforts in other areas of life.
Interested in learning more about these communication styles and how they might be affecting your relationships? Contact me to dig deeper into family communication styles, discover where your family falls within these styles, and learn about how family therapy can provide healthy communication habits you can use to break negative patterns or encourage healthy habits to continue.
