Families are made up of unique individuals. No matter how close you are, not everyone is going to have the same way of communicating. While it can be easy to joke about things like family dysfunction or personalities clashing, different family communication styles can create bigger issues if they aren’t addressed.
You don’t have to change who you are or ask your family members to change the way they communicate. Rather, everyone should commit to learning about these different ways of communicating so you all can work together to improve your family dynamic.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common family communication styles and what you can do to effectively work with them.
What Are Family Communication Styles?
Again, everyone has their own unique way of communicating. You can be very close to a family member and have a completely different way of expressing yourself. Some people are more direct and assertive. Others are indirect, or reserved and quiet. Some family members might be very detail-oriented, while others tend to express themselves with emotions.
Sound familiar? Chances are, you can think of at least one of these labels for every family member — including yourself. When you put these styles on paper, it’s easy to see how different they are, and how they might clash if you aren’t effectively working on improving your communication efforts.
So, how can you do that?
Be an Active Listener
Communication is a two-way street. Once you recognize and acknowledge that there are different communication styles, choose to be an active listener for each of your family members.
Listening and hearing are two different things. Actively listening involves things like eliminating distractions, asking clarifying questions, paying attention, and using verbal and nonverbal cues to let the other person know you’re engaged.
When you choose to be an active listener, you’re likely to get the same respect in return. More importantly, you’re more likely to develop a better understanding of that person, and potentially start to see things from their perspective.
Make Changes
Again, you don’t need to change the way you communicate simply to get along with certain family members. But, if you know your communication style clashes with someone else, it’s okay to adapt to match the person you’re speaking with.
That might include changing your tone, the speed at which you speak, or even some of the words you use. These small changes can go a long way in improving your communication efforts and helping you understand each other.
Use “I” Statements
No matter which communication style you’re working with, try to avoid playing the blame game. Your family might clash, at times. But, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.
Instead of targeting other family members or telling them what they’re doing wrong, use “I” statements to express yourself.
For example, you could say something like, “I feel hurt when you make jokes about my job.” That will resonate with a family member much more than, “You’re always teasing me about my job!”
Set Healthy Boundaries
Some communication styles can be more difficult to work with than others. If you’re having a hard time connecting and communicating with certain family members, set boundaries for yourself. Setting clear boundaries and communication expectations will protect you from harmful interactions. It will also serve as a platform for mutual respect. When everyone knows what to expect, it’s easier to stick to those boundaries and avoid slipping into bad communication habits.
You might face some challenges as you try to work with different communication styles within your family. Thankfully, you don’t have to dive in without guidance. Feel free to contact me for more information about family counseling or to learn more about your own communication style as you make an effort to improve the communication dynamics within your family unit.
