There are many factors that contribute to a healthy relationship, and all of them are important. But, at the very core of any strong partnership is an understanding of your own wants and needs.
You can’t expect to have a healthy relationship without first knowing who you are, what you need, and what your values are. That doesn’t mean creating a checklist of things you want your partner to have. While filling those “little boxes” might be helpful at times, they’re often superficial and not a true reflection of your deepest values.
Let’s take a closer look at what makes a healthy relationship, and how you can dive deeper into understanding your true wants and needs.
Factors of a Healthy Relationship
If we were to talk about all of the components that make a healthy relationship, you would likely be reading for days. But, the basics shouldn’t be surprising.
One of the most important things a strong relationship can have is healthy communication. Strong communication skills allow you to express your needs and wants to your partner without fear of judgment. Communication also reduces the risk of negative assumptions or misunderstandings and can make it easier to have healthy, effective disagreements.
Trust, boundaries, respect, support, and emotional intimacy are also important when it comes to fostering a healthy relationship.
But, again, you can’t really build upon those things until you look inside yourself and explore your true wants and needs.
Understanding What Matters Most to You
It might sound easier said than done to look inside and consider the things that you value most. Thankfully, there are techniques you can use to develop a true understanding, starting with self-reflection.
Consider practices like mindfulness, meditation, and even journaling. These are great ways to take time out of each day to focus on yourself. Self-reflection will help you understand what makes you feel valued in a relationship.
When you’re ready to talk to your partner about your needs and wants, make sure you use “I” statements, and be assertive about your boundaries. Assertion doesn’t have to be a negative thing. If you have strong values, needs, and wants, making sure your partner understands and respects them will help to avoid confusion later.
Try Something New
Maybe you’ve tried digging deeper into your needs and wants, but you’re feeling stuck or stagnant. Consider trying something new.
Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or you’re jumping back into the dating world and want to break old patterns, investing in something new can give you fresh insight into who you are and what you want.
Consider taking an art or a dance class. Learn how to cook. Do some traveling. You can decide which adventures to step into based on things you’ve always wanted to try. Self-discovery doesn’t have to happen overnight, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all way to do it.
Finally, don’t assume that exploring your true wants and needs is something you have to do on your own. While you should be able to talk to your partner about them openly, discovering what they really are can sometimes require a bit of help.
Couples therapy is often a great way to dig deeper and tap into the sides of yourself that you might not often bring forward. Maybe there are things from your childhood that shape your relationships today. Or, maybe you’ve had negative relationship experiences in the past and you’re trying to figure out what you want for your future.
Whatever the case, exploring your true wants and needs in a safe and supportive setting can give you the confidence you need to express them in your relationship. If you’re ready to start that journey, feel free to contact me for more information or to set up a consultation.
