Couples therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. In fact, some couples are hesitant to try it for a variety of reasons. They might worry about bias with the therapist. They might fear the therapist only hearing or understanding one side of the conversation. Some couples don’t attend couples therapy simply because they don’t think it would work for their needs or issues.
While those misconceptions aren’t necessarily true — counseling should never be biased or one-sided — it can help to have different options when it comes to seeking out help for your relationship.
PACT therapy, developed by Stan Tatkin, integrates interpersonal neurobiology into couples counseling strategies. This focuses on how the brain and nervous system interact, and how those interactions could be impacting your relationship.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory is an integral part of romantic relationships. Even if you’ve never heard of it before, it’s likely impacting your partnership in some way.
Everyone has different attachment styles. They are typically formed by the bond and connection you developed with your parents or caregivers as a child. Ideally, everyone would have a secure attachment that stems from healthy, caring relationships with childhood caregivers. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
PACT therapy recognizes the fact that the attachment experiences we go through as infants can directly influence the brain and nervous system. This can impact the way we see other people in relationships, including how easy it is to be intimate, communicative, or trusting.
When a PACT therapist connects attachment theory with romantic pair bonding, they’re able to give you more insight into potential areas of misunderstanding in your relationship.
Thankfully, through PACT, you and your partner will be able to address those areas. Your therapist can essentially help you re-train your brain and nervous system so you and your partner can enjoy more fulfilling interactions.
What to Expect
The goal of PACT sessions is ultimately to move you and your partner’s nervous systems from dysregulation to regulation. This is often done through a series of experiences in which your therapist will guide you. You’ll learn more about your partner through these experiences in an effort to determine if their nervous system is settled.
While every therapist has different ways of guiding you through experiences, some of the more common actions include using eye contact, physical touch, proximity, and even vocal inflection. The more you perform these actions, the easier it will be for you to understand what your partner’s expressions and gestures mean, which can make it easier to determine if they’re settled.
A Collaborative Experience
One of the most important things about PACT therapy is that it’s a collaborative effort between a couple and their therapist. Many people attend couples therapy trying to work out specific disagreements or areas of contention. While PACT doesn’t ignore that, it’s more focused on how each couple works through those areas.
The goal, as a partnership, is to work through disagreements in healthy, fair, and effective ways. If the therapist sees that those things aren’t happening, they will step in and point out what might be going wrong in each interaction.
Disrupting negative patterns and working to correct them is a great way to turn contention into understanding. It can make disagreements more meaningful, and help you understand your partner and their point of view from a healthier state of mind. You’ll start to feel more understood and deeply cared for by your partner, even when you disagree on things.
There’s so much more to uncover when it comes to PACT therapy and how it can improve your relationship. Therapists can use everything from body movement to acting out original disagreements to help you and your partner become more in tune with each other. If you want to learn more or you have any questions, contact me for more information about couples therapy.
