Separating from a spouse or partner can be difficult on its own. But, when you have children with that person, it tends to make the situation even more complicated. No matter how you feel about your former partner, you both have the responsibility of raising those children together.
Co-parenting isn’t always easy. But, putting your feelings aside and doing what’s best for your kids is something you should both agree to. That doesn’t mean you’ll always have the same ideas, values, or beliefs. But, being able to work together and come up with the best solution for your kids is essential.
If you’re having a difficult time co-parenting after a separation, there are a few strategies you can use to make the process easier on yourself, and ultimately, better for your children.
Prioritize Communication
You might be tempted to avoid communication with your former partner as much as possible. But, when you have children together, communication is necessary. So, find channels that work for you.
If you’re not willing to talk in person, consider texting or using a communication app to send messages, share calendars, and more. Your communication efforts should include important dates, appointments, school events, and anything else that’s relevant to your children’s needs. Try to keep communication strictly about your children, so you’re not tempted to argue about personal issues.
Set Boundaries
It’s important to let go of the things you can’t control. You might not like or agree with everything your co-parent believes. But, as long as they are not harming or negatively influencing your children, take a breath and don’t start an unnecessary battle.
At the same time, make sure you’re establishing healthy boundaries. Talk to your co-parent about what’s acceptable and what’s not, and let them share the same thoughts and ideas with you.
Boundaries don’t have to be super strict. In fact, it’s important to be flexible when you’re co-parenting. While it’s a good idea for your parenting styles to be similar, life happens. Things change. Allow for some flexibility and don’t focus on being so rigid that it’s affecting your kids.
Practice Self-Care
The idea of being around your former partner can be hard to handle, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself every day. Self-care can include getting enough sleep, exercising, or prioritizing mental wellness through journaling or meditating.
Incorporating self-care practices into your daily routine will help to reduce stress and make it easier for you to stay focused on your children, rather than your feelings about your co-parent.
Lead With Respect
Communication is important, but the way you communicate is really what matters — especially in front of your children.
Try to avoid arguing with your co-parent. If you disagree about something, calmly talk it out, and make sure you’re speaking to them with respect. Avoid hurling insults and using a sarcastic tone. Not only will it make co-parenting more difficult for both of you, but if your kids hear or see that kind of interaction, it can cause them to become anxious.
Talk to a Professional
You likely separated from your co-parent for a reason. It’s understandable if you’re having a hard time working with them to raise your children. If you can’t seem to find some common ground to co-parent effectively, consider working with a therapist or counselor.
Even as a divorced or separated couple, counseling can help you both improve your communication efforts, set healthy boundaries, and put your children’s needs above your own feelings. Don’t let the negativity from your relationship dampen the way either of you raise your kids. Feel free to reach out for help and set up a consultation for family therapy soon.
