Congratulations! You are interested in changing something in your life. You’ve decided to seek therapy. You’ve found a therapist, researched what your insurance will cover, and gotten yourself to the office. Time to relax? Time to turn your troubles over to this professional who will hand you all the answers you are looking for?
Hardly. Getting here is an accomplishment, make no mistake about that. More than half of people who could benefit from therapy never seek it out, so you’re already ahead. The ball is still in your court, however, and it’s going to stay there. Therapy isn’t something that is given to you; it’s a something you accomplish with the assistance of a skillful therapist, something like a tennis player and a coach.
Your responsibilities as a therapy client include:
Show up. It doesn’t do much good to commit to counseling if you don’t show up regularly and on time. Therapy is work; give it the respect and dependability you give your job.
Be honest with the therapist. Some of what you have to work on may feel shameful, but an unspoken issue is one that will never be addressed. Chances are your therapist has heard much worse. You can give yourself remarkable relief just by telling another person what’s been troubling you.
Be honest with yourself. Some thoughts or emotions may seem so “wrong” that it’s hard to admit even to yourself what’s going on. Now is the time to summon the courage to confront your demons. If you continue to try to spackle over the ugly parts, nothing will change.
Be clear about what you want to accomplish. Are you in a crisis and desperate for immediate relief? Do you need strategies to handle a tough time that is coming (divorce, a death, a move)? Do you have a chronic problem and you’d like to finally end it? You and your therapist can work together on a goal statement so you don’t lose focus in your therapy.
Be open to your therapist’s suggestions. Logically, if you keep behaving and thinking as you are now, nothing will change. Your therapist will suggest new ways to approach the issues that are troubling you. There are dozens of types of therapy, but three common practices are:
Mindfulness therapy, where you practice quietly and nonjudgmentally experiencing whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy; notice how you feel physically and emotionally and let it go – no obsessing, just ride it out.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy, where you and your therapist will explore the thinking processes and behaviors that are not working for you and come up with a plan for substituting more positive thoughts and actions whenever you recognize that you are falling into old patterns.
Psychoanalytic therapy, where you talk and the therapist listens and tries to identify issues from your childhood that continue to plague you. The therapist takes on more of the responsibility and this therapy is generally longest in duration.
Keep at it between appointments. It’s likely your therapist will encourage you to continue working the change on your own, every day, every hour. Fifty minutes once a week isn’t going to shift your thoughts and emotions, at least not for a very long time. Practice, practice, practice.
Record your progress. Keeping a journal from the very beginning can help you see how far you’ve come if you’re feeling discouraged. It will also help you reflect on how the techniques you learn from your therapist are working for you.
This may all seem like a lot of work, but dysfunction in your life can be exhausting and will rob you of the happiness you could be enjoying. All it takes is the willingness to tackle your problems.
